Monday, February 18, 2008

Love thy neighbor...

If you reside in a residential neighborhood like most of the American population, you have probably observed things that your neighbors do from time to time, yes? If you haven't- or you just aren't the "people watcher" type, I would highly recommend doing so. Hear me out on this one: your neighbors watch you, so why not watch them? By watch I don't mean spy. So if you were digging out your binoculars, please refrain for a sec.

I've noticed a few things just by being observant, and when you live 10 feet from your neighbor on either side, you notice lots of tacky, odd, and downright weird people. Here's a look at some of your typical protoype neighbors, found in almost any neighborhood.
  1. The tacky yard artist. No matter what type of neighborhood you live in, there's bound to be one of these. She is the woman with the ceramic geese with flowers planted in them. She may have fake deer prancing in her yard. Or, she might be the one who untastefully decorates to the hills for every. single. holiday.

  2. The "weird" house. As long as you've lived in your neighborhood, this is the house that has had numerous mysterious tenants live there. They occupy the house for a short time, and (pouf!) vanish in the night. In my neighborhood, this particular house has seen an occupant that had Hummers on 24" rims and a convertible Mustang with with a Burberry top. The wife liked to threaten bashing her husband's car in with a baseball bat, to which the cops would show up and wake everyone who wasn't already awake by all the hootin' and hollerin'. They didn't last-- but to no avail, the current tenant likes to grab the Sunday paper in no more than a t-shirt and white undies. At noon. She then takes a quick scope around to make sure she is invisible. Newsflash: everyone saw you.

  3. The "unexplained" neighbor. This one leaves you scratching your head. You question why they do the things they do. They are the ones who leave their Christmas lights dangling from their roof up year-round, but don't even bother to turn them on at Christmas time. They are the ones who, lay nice, new green sod on only half of their front yard, and proceed to let the rest of their yard grow new species of weeds. They are also the ones who let 5 days worth of newspapers accumulate on their driveway and finally pick them up after they've driven over them all week. I've got one word (two syllables) for this unexplained type: LAZY.
4. The "cool" neighbors. Why aren't there more of these? They are the ones who insist you drink a cold brew with them as soon as you pull into the driveway after a long day. They observe odd neighbor behavior too, and love to fill you in on the juicy stuff you missed while you were on vacation. They bring you cookies, and invite you to gatherings. Our only "cool" neighbor pondered moving (they have since changed their minds) and I told him that if he was serious, the potential buyer would need to set up an interview with us before signing a contract to make sure they fit the type of neighbor we were looking for.

Your neighborhood, whether rich or poor, has these types of neighbors in some fashion or another, I promise you! All you have to do is open your front door and observe.

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